Don’t Judge A Man By His Moustache: Movember And You

November 8, 2014

By Curtis M. Parvin

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Our fearless columnist.

Have you seen more young men than usual sporting moustaches this fall? 

If so, there may be any number of explanations. 

Some older macho guys may still think they can be Burt Reynolds circa 1978. 

Other younger dudes have jumped on the hipster bandwagon, growing a lip rug to be ironic. 

But since we are in the early days of November, let’s not judge their retro facial hair too harshly. The decision to wear the whiskers could actually have positive effects on the future of mankind.

I’m talking about “Movember”, a charity that involves literally growing a moustache for the entire month of November to raise money for men’s physical and mental well being (depression, testicular cancer, and prostate cancer). According to their official website, “the Movember community has raised $559 million to date and funded over 800 programs in 21 countries.” That’s an astonishing feat when you consider facial hair is something many lads take for granted.

There are a few rules if you want to become a “Mo Bro” and contribute your look to the organization. You register at www.movember.com and then start off November 1st with a baby-faced smooth shave. As the days go by your upper lip hair will develop its own character and the person wearing it will shape it based on their personality. You may be more comfortable with a pencil stache like cult filmmaker John Waters. Or maybe a big cowboy soup-strainer — like Sam Elliott in The Big Lebowski — is closer to the look you’re going for. 

Once you have the style nailed down, you can ask friends, family members, casual acquaintances -even the neighborhood curmudgeon who retrieves the morning paper in his tightie whities — to donate to the cause. Moustaches are always a great conversation starter, especially if you grow a funky one. I respect the courage it takes to embark on this journey, because my own early stage ‘staches are frightening. They don’t start conversations – they send people running for the hills. See The Lonely Island’s video “The Creep” for further reference.

While I am supporting the movement by wearing a lip caterpillar myself, it’s more of a symbolic gesture – I want people to be aware that they can go the full nine yards by signing up for the official challenge. Don’t take the lazy way out like me by hacking off a 4-month beard to achieve a moustache. Grow long, bizarre, waxed strands of hair like Salvador Dali and put my laziness to shame. Be avant garde and have fun with the event.

Millennial men should get involved in Movember because it has many positive effects. As I already mentioned, you will feel good about helping other guys get the proper medical treatment they may require. Growing some whiskers boosts confidence and self-esteem, as you will certainly stand out from the crowd. You will learn to put aside embarrassment, knowing you are part of a brotherhood that is making a difference.

(The following statements do not reflect the personal opinions of the writer whatsoever) There may be added bonuses too — I’m sure there are women out there who have a Nick Offerman fetish and would go weak at the knees for someone who looked like his character from Parks and Recreation. Just be forewarned that no matter how hard you try, your mustache will never be as cool as the late great Frank Zappa. 

Curtis is a Rhode Island-based writer and filmmaker. His Twitter link is above and this is his IMDB page.